How can I cope with ambiguous loss?

Here's the thing about ambiguous loss, not having closure makes it difficult to grieve in a typical way. Of course, there is no right way to grieve. But there might be things that can help a great deal.

Ambiguous grief can cause prolonged levels of stress. Symptoms can include stomach problems, chronic pain, headaches, over or under-eating, insomnia and substance abuse.

Not having closure can freeze the grieving process. It’s okay to keep hoping for closure, but in the meantime allow yourself to feel grief. Your emotions are valid. Grief is not a weakness. It is a sign of love and loss.

You might not be able to get closure, so the goal is to be able to carry it and still live your life in a meaningful way.

One common and natural response to grief, is to isolate yourself from others. Try to spend time with and talk to people who understand what you're going through.

Acceptance is an important stage of grief. It doesn’t mean that you are “fine” or “over” the loss that you're enduring. It means that your mind and body are able to accept the events that have occurred, and you begin to see it as something you can integrate into your everyday life, thoughts, and feelings.

The word “accept” is a verb. It’s an active process, that requires practice. Every time you practice acceptance toward something, you create and strengthen neural pathways in your brain. It is estimated that it takes 10,000 repetitions to master a skill and develop the associated neural pathway. It takes some time and patience to learn acceptance.

The present situation doesn’t have to override the past. If the person you have lost, chooses words or behaviours that are difficult or hurtful, cherish the positive memories you once shared. Perhaps write them down or create a scrapbook of old photos. Painful experiences often end up being a fundamental part of our personal growth.